Not so Simple

Guilt, a powerful emotion.

I need to get out, to at least show David how to select produce, when to not get something, when to get it. How to choose an onion, or head of lettuce, but then the guilt sets in.

He isn't stupid, so he should be able to figure that stuff out, but then, when you watch the pennies, you really can't afford to let him learn from his mistakes. Then there is Mother.

A bit of time away, won't hurt, logically and rationally thinking, yet in the back of the mind is, the thought that, that is exactly when something will happen, that will have catastrophic results, because one got selfish, & went out shopping.

Damned if you, damned if you don't.

Maybe in a few more days, but then, will it ever be any better?  Will the guilt to be out, to want to be out, even if for a half hour or 45 minutes, be pushed aside? Then what if, that famous thought pattern, of impending doom.

What if I do go shopping, even for less than an hour, and come back to her slumped in her chair, or worse, spread down on the floor? How does one live with that type of endless guilt, because it would be endless. To go out, to have a trauma happen, there is no way to simply chalk it up to life, to fate.

Common Sense tells me, it is stupid, irrational to think this way, because bottom line is, when it happens, it will happen. To sit around, in a state of perpetual fear of it happening, isn't going to stop it, isn't going to lessen the impact of it, and yet, the guilt, it does hold one back.