Another Fall

A restless night's sleep, and then annoying radio's that keep buzzing, even when you unplug them. Then while waiting for mom to get up, washed, she falls.

Each time, it is like a knife in the heart, as you see her prone on the floor or twisted in some odd configeration. You worry that maybe she broke something, or did some other damage, then breathe a sigh of relief, when it turns out to be nothing more than a few bruises.

Yet following up on yesterday, the fall becomes more worrisome. Is it from weakness, stress, or is there some underlying problem causing her to lose co-ordination?

This is when you wish you had a Doctor, who you could talk to, who could give you reassurances, at least. One who you were comfortable in knowing that at least everything possible, is being done to find out what is happening. Right now, that simply isn't the case, and it makes one more nervous, more frightened, more alone.

Here I am, 54 years old, acting like a baby, but she is my mother, we are close, have a bond, and it is hard to cope with, never mind actually deal with. It is hard to not want to just bury one's head in their hands and cry, but then, that won't help her, so you bite your lip, try to keep the fear out of your voice.

For now, I know I have medical experts I can reach out to. They may not be as professional as one would hope, but at least I don't have to worry about paying for whatever is needed. Makes some small comfort, but it also makes me grateful for living in Canada. How parents or children, must feel, when they have no insurance, no health care plan like we do, is incomprehensible to me.

The fear, loneliness they must feel, when things like this happen. It is bad enough, having a Doctor who isn't up to speed, or comforting, but to have no doctor? No resource to really fall back on? That has to be an even worse nightmare, and I really wonder, how did we all let it happen?